Guest Post: Kyle Johnson

Kyle is one of Chris' Fall 2011 Professional Speaking students at Carnegie Mellon. Here he writes about real-world meetings.

The other day I was standing at the bus stop and reading a Harvard Business Review article called “How to Run a Meeting” by Antony Jay. I was struggling with how to write a blog post for an upcoming assignment I have for a Professional Speaking class I am taking in graduate school. My hope was that the article could give me some direction towards what to discuss in my post and or perhaps stir up some forgotten horror story I could tell about a meeting from my past, but the article wasn’t helping. I just could not come up with a decent topic.

Meanwhile, a frazzled looking man who looked to be in his late 30’s to early 40’s jogged up and asked “Will the next bus take me to Green Tree?” I said that I wasn’t quite sure about that geography of Pittsburgh and that all I knew was that the 61B goes North on Braddock to West on Forbes. I promptly looked down at my article and began to read, feeling the pressure of my upcoming assignment on top of all the other class assignments I also had due.

He then said, “Oh good. That will take me close enough to walk.” I didn’t respond. I was trying to show that I was busy and didn’t have time to help a stranger find his way home.

He then asked, “What are you reading?” I waited a second to reply, really trying to hint to him that I was not interested in him or any of his questions. Then I said, “It’s an article about how to run a meeting. I am reading it for a class I have on professional speaking at CMU.”

He then went on to describe in quite a lengthy fashion about how his nephew studied material sciences and structural engineering at CMU and some other links he had to the school that I didn’t care about. As soon as he finished those stories, he went into how he had also gone to graduate school. He studied Marriage and Family Therapy at a PhD program in California. I began to worry that he might collapse from talking too much in between breaths.

At this point I was getting frustrated. I was trying to show him in every way that I could (Aside from being overtly rude and just telling him to not talk to me) that I was not interested in his stories. I was busy. I was stressed about how much work I had to do. And I was frustrated at the constant pull of distractions that seemed to be attacking me from every angle.

At this point I was getting frustrated. I was trying to show him in every way that I could (Aside from being overtly rude and just telling him to not talk to me) that I was not interested in his stories. I was busy. I was stressed about how much work I had to do. And I was frustrated at the constant pull of distractions that seemed to be attacking me from every angle.

We talked about how I took a few psychology classes on families in my undergraduate studies, and about all the interesting people he has met through his counseling work. We talked about how one of the tips that has most stuck with me from all of those classes was a technique that encourages quality communication when family members are working through a really contentious issue. The idea came from a book called “Fighting for your Marriage” by Scott Stanley, Susan Blumberg and Howard Markman.

The technique basically comes down to two key actions. The first is that when a couple talks about an issue that often leads to arguments, the speaker should hold some sort of item that signifies he/she is on the “Pedestal”. It can be a rock, a spoon, whatever. The point is that when the speaker has that item, he/she is the only one allowed to talk. Before the other spouse wants to take that item and say some of their own thoughts, they must repeat in their own words what the previous speaker said. The strength of this technique is that it forces the listener to actually comprehend what the speaker is saying. It also validates the listener because they now know that they are being understood and given a voice in the matter.

We talked about this technique’s worth in all sorts of settings in which contentious discussions occur. So often in business meetings, the speaker is not being heard because the other members of the committee are too busy trying to formulate their own come-backs and counter arguments. People are speaking but true communication is not happening. The meeting gets too focused on whose side is going to win, not on trying to understand why the other group thinks the way that they do.

That was about all we had time for because my new friend (Dan) was getting off the bus in Squirrel Hill. We ended our conversation with a handshake and a “It was good meeting you this morning.” Suddenly remembering all the work I hadn’t been doing, I gave a little gasp and reached for my back pack.

Then I suddenly caught myself, laughed and sat back in my chair. I did not need to finish the article to try and find blog post inspiration. I already knew what I wanted to say.